Loving Confession

Brittany was on her deathbed, with her husband Adam at her side. She kept trying to tell him something, but he kept saying, "Shhhh, don't worry now darling, just rest." "But honey," she whispered, "I need to make a confession before I die... I slept with your brother, your best friend, and your father." "Don't worry about it, sweetie," replied Adam as he wiped the tears from Brittany's cheek, "I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"

Sex with Sister

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her while we were waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I didn't say anything and started to walk to my car. As I opened the door, my girlfriend came out from the kitchen and hugged me with tears in her eyes as she told me that it was a test of loyalty and I had passed!
Moral of the story: keep your condoms in your car.

The Maid

Maria, a maid, asks her boss for a raise. Her boss is annoyed and asks, "Now, Maria, why do you think you deserve a raise?" Maria: "Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an raise. First, I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh." 
Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.." The wife is obviously upset: "Did my husband say that ?" Maria: "No, Señora, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"