Together At Last

Marie's funeral is a sad one as she goes to join her departed husband. Standing near the casket, a mourner keeps repeating, "At last they're together. At last they're together." A mourner whispers, "Why are you making such a tumult? She was a tramp even when Nick was alive. What's with this nonsense... at last they're together?" The first mourner responds, "I'm talking about her LEGS! At last they're together!"

Dumb Wives

Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."

Hidden Traits

I left my wife after I discovered she was a glass blower.
I beat the shit out of my neighbor Eddie Glass too.