May September Marriage

A 90 year old man shows up for a physical. He tells the doctor he is about to marry a 20 year old girl. "Really?" said the doctor. "You're healthy enough, I suppose, but take my advice. If you want a happy marriage, you should take in a boarder. Do you know what I mean?" The old man says, "OK, doc. I'll think about it." Six months later, the doctor sees the old man on the street. He asks him how his new marriage is working out. "Great doc! In fact, my wife is pregnant." The doctor nods knowingly and says, "So you took my advice and took in a boarder?" The old man winked and said, "Yep. And she's pregnant too!"

Alaskan Light Bulbs

Q: How many Alaskan men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh, none ... they just have one of their girlfriends do it.

Bill and Hillary's Bed

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom, when Hillary wakes and starts shaking Bill. Bill groggily opens his eyes and says, "Honey, it's 3am.  What do you want?"
"I have to go use the bathroom," Hillary replies. Bill blinks.   "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom." "No," Hillary says, "I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."