3 Viagra Pills

A guy goes to his doctor and says,"Doc, I have a problem."
"My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."
The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."
The man says, "You have a deal Doc."
Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, "What happened?"
The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"

Misunderstood

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her. "Hey what's up?" she said. "Oh nothing, it's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me," I replied. "Haha don't worry, I won't," she said reassuringly.
"I wanna lick it," I said. She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said, "I knew you'd misunderstand."

Looking Younger

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband - "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Andy replied,..."Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying..."WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!"