A Missing Person

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

The Cemetary Plot Gift

A couple has not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday. "Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!? "He replied, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

Sex While Pregnant

For those of you about to become first-time fathers, you should know something that us old pros do: there are three stages of sex with your mate during pregnancy.

1. During the first trimester, you do it regular style.
2. During the second trimester, you do it doggie style.
3. During the last trimester, you do it wolf style. "What the heck is wolf style?" you ask. That's when you sit by the hole and howl!