Marriage Quotes 10

• I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick Martin
• I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- Tynan
• I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.
• I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.
• I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about 'short' and 'cheap'? -- Phyllis Diller
• I've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.
• If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
• If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. -- Chekhov
• If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

Maybe Next Time

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father. His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get? He replies I got the part or a man who has been married for 25 years. His father congratulated him. And then he said "Thats good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"

Late Again

Wife - "Where the  hell have you been?  You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"
Husband - "I'm so sorry, Honey, but you probably don't want to hear the reason."
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"
Husband - "Fine.  We finished in under  4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car and would have  been here at noon on the button.   On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire.  I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money.  Of course, I refuse it - then she tells  me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes.  Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I  guess we were looking pretty good to each other.  Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table.  She suggested we get some privacy while pulling  me by the hand.  Now I'm in her room ... clothes are flying .... The talking stopped ...  and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because  before I know it the clock says 5:30.  I jumped up, threw my clothes  on, ran to the car, and here I am.  There, you wanted the truth ... you  got it."
Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you!?"