Dying Husbands

A woman tells her friend she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He also ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

Supreme Court Decision Same Sex Marriage

Q: Why the US Supreme Court should have legalized Marijuana when they approved same sex-marriage?
A: Because it says in the bible, a man who lies with another man shall be stoned.

Dumb Excuses

Dumb excuses that will guarantee you won't be invited out again! (unless of course your married and your wife makes you go!)  I'D LOVE TO BUT......

• I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
• I feel a song coming on.
• I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
• I have to bleach my hare. 
• I have too much guilt.
• I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I'm stuck on it.
• I never go out on days that end in "Y."
• I promised to help a friend re-fold road maps.
• I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
• I'm having all my plants neutered.
• I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
• I'm too old for that stuff.
• I'm too young for that stuff.
• I'm touring China with a wok band. I'm trying desperately to be less popular.
• I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
• I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
• My bathroom tiles need grouting.
• My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
• My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
• My yucca plant is feeling yucky.