A Loving Couple

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house. I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. It was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion." "That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one who poisoned you."

Never Again

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

Blue Silk Pajamas

A man calls his wife and says to her, "Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime, my boss invited me on a week long fishing trip. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?"
"Sure, honey," his wife answers.
"Oh, and could you please pack my blue silk pajamas?"
"Sure, honey," his wife answers again.
The man came home, picked up his things, and left off for the week. He returned a week later, smiling. His wife met him at the front door.
"So honey, how was your fishing trip?"
"It was great" the husband answered, "but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"No I didn't," said his wife. "They were in your tacklebox."