You'll Never Hear a Man Say...

Things You'll Never Hear A Man Say:

• Here honey, you use the remote.
• You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
• Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
• While I'm up, can I get you anything?
• Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?
• Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?
• Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
• Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.
• We never talk anymore.

Meet the Family

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight.
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.
This should be an interesting night.

Panties

President Clinton was seen walking around the White House one day. Laying across one shoulder was a pair of ladies' nylon panties. Nervously one White House Aide approach the President and asked about the panties. "Oh those, "replied the President, "I'm trying to quit. That's the patch."