Clinton Doesn't Give A Damn

From David Letterman and the Late Show...Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Doesn't Give A Damn
10. Called Russia asking if they need a new spy
9. When people whisper, "Your fly is open," he says, "Yeah, I know"
8. Shoplifts at will, gives finger to security camera
7. If you asked what he had for breakfast and he actually had waffles, he'll say "pancakes" just for the fun of lying
6. He's no longer just fat -- he's now Hugh Rodham fat
5. "Tubby" is selling a copy of the Declaration of Indepence on eBay
4. Doesn't even bother to buy high-quality cigars anymore
3. Recently introduced Playboy playmate as "my lovely wife"
2. Refers to Chappaqua mansion as "the house that dirty pardon money built"
1. Sits in the back of Al Gore's journalism class screaming, "Loser!"

Hillary Pregnant?

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! She is furious. She just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!  How could you??!!!  I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???" There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"

Picking on Chelsea Clinton

One day, Clinton called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He was very furious and said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House, I want something done about it immediately!" "Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll take those mirrors out right away!"