Senior CCW

I'm a senior citizen and just got my concealed carry permit. I went to Cabela's to purchase a Glock 43 because it was just the right size and weight for me to carry.  When I was ready to pay, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."  Pissed off that Bloomberg's gun control wacko's had gone too far, I did as she had instructed.  When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the chip card reader.  I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
 They need to make their instructions for seniors a little clearer.

Walmart Greeter

So I finally landed a job as a Walmart greeter. About two hours into my first day on the job a loud, mean and unattractive woman enters the store with her two children yelling obscenities at them the whole way.
Per my greeter instructions, I pleasantly said, "Good Morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?"
Agitated, the women sharply fires back, "Hell no, they ain't twins. This here one is 7, and this other one is 10. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind, stupid, or both?"
To which I replied, "Ma'am, I am neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn't believe that someone slept with you twice."

Cheer up Hillary

Q: How did Bill try and cheer up Hillary on the second day after Trump was elected?
A: He reminded her that she wouldn't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.