The Clintons Take a Trip

Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad.
He says, "I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries."
"Well " says Chelsea, "you could throw $100,000 out the window of the helicopter. I'm sure that the poor will get some of it." He agrees that it's a good idea and he does.
About 5 minutes later he starts thinking again. Hillary asks, "Why do you still look so sad? You just threw $100,000 out the window of the helicopter. That helped a lot of poor people."
He says, "I still feel like I didn't do enough."
She says, "Well, Bill, why don't you throw another $100,000 out the window? That should make a lot of people happy." Again he says it's a good idea and he does.
A few moments later and again he looks unhappy and he says, "I still don't think I've done enough."
This time the helicopter pilot pipes up and says "Why don't you throw yourself out the goddamn window... that will make everyone in America happy."

Father and Son ... Who Scratched the Car?

Somewhere in America, next week...
Dad:  Son, come in here, we need to talk.
Son: What's up, Dad?
Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?
Son: Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.
Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?
Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?
Son: Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.
Dad: So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?
Son: No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?
Son: Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.
Dad: So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch car?
Son: No. No, that's not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?". From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car... the mailbox did... I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.
Dad: Where did you learn to talk like a complete idiot?
Son: From President Clinton.

Newest Golf Term

The latest change to the official rules of golf: The golf term "bad lie" is now to be referred to as "an Obama".