Advantages of Older Women

1. An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?"
2. An older woman doesn't care what you think.
3. An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
4. An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.
5. An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
6. Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.
7. There's no need to be phobic about "committing" to an older woman - the last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.
8. Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.
9. Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when you need to start replacing your old fillings.
10. An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you!
11. Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.
12. An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...
13. Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
14. Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.
15. Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
16. An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.
17. Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
18. An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.
19. An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.

Favorite Drink

Age of drinking
17 - Wine Coolers
25 - White wine
35 - Red wine
48 - Dom Perignon
66 - Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Top Signs That You're Too Old to Trick or Treat

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "What a scary mask!" but you're not wearing a mask!
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. and last but not least...
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. Happy Halloween!