Top Signs That You're Too Old to Trick or Treat

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "What a scary mask!" but you're not wearing a mask!
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. and last but not least...
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. Happy Halloween!

Jokes about Age

• OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out
• OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
• OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line
• OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed
• OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot
• OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces
• OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas
• OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home
• OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing
• OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
• OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
• OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction
• OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it
• OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain
• OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out 

Now That I'm Older...

Now that I'm older... here's what I've discovered...

• I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.
• When did my wild oats turn into prunes and All Bran?
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through, though.
• It was all so different before everything changed.
• Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
• I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few....
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.