War is War

During World War II a group of German soldiers capture a French village. “Hand over all your food,” says the German officer to the Mayor . “But all we have left is a few scraps of bread,” protests the Mayor. “War is war,” replies the officer. “Hand it over.” After the Germans have eaten, the officer says, “Now give us your wine.” “We have nothing but a single bottle,” says the Mayor. “Tough,” says the officer. “Hand it over. War is war.” Once the Germans have drunk the wine, their officer says, “Now we want women. Hand over every girl in the village.” “But we have none,” replies the Mayor. “They have all fled. The only woman left is Madame Blanc, and she is over 90 years old.” “We don’t care,” says the officer. “War is war. Hand her over.” So the Mayor brings out Madame Blanc, who slowly starts taking off her clothes. The German officer gulps as he watches the old woman undress, “Uh, look, on second thought, we won’t bother…” he says. “Not so fast, Fritz,” replies Madame Blanc, dropping her underwear, “War is war.”

When You Are Young

When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.

Old Woman's Doctor Visit

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests."
The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."