Old is When

• Your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
• Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot
• A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the nearest garage door
• You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick
• Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face
• You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along
• When it takes longer to rest than to get tired
• When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
• "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today
• "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot
• An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Old Age Flirtation

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ." "Depends on what?" he asks. "On my bottom -- where else?!"

Legendary Explorer's Interview

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'"