Old Never Dies

Old football players never die, they just go to the end zone.
Old footballers never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old forsesters never die, they just pine away.
Old fridge repairmen never die, they just blow their cool.
Old frogs never die, they just croak.
Old fruit never dies, it just pear-ishes.
Old auto mechanics never die, they just retire.
Old geologists never die, they just re-crystalize.
Old ghost towns never die, they become desolate.
Old golfers never die, they just lose their drive.
Old graphic artists never die, they just de-rez.
Old gymnasts never die, they just take longer to mount.
Old hams never die, they just get grounded.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old Helsinki tourists never die, they just vanish into Finn Air.

Preservatives

Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.

An Ode to Old Age

There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I'll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart