Old Feller in for a Checkup

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.
After his examination, his doctor was amazed.
"holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!"
"did I say I was 64?"
"Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?"
"damn straight you did! I'm 85!"
"85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were25! How old was your father when he died?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"You mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!"
"my Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your grandfather live?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"no! You can't mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!"
"126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think a man would want to get married at that age!"
"did I say he wanted to get married?..."

Be Prepared

The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enough of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms. And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to seduce ?" She smiled slyly and replied, "The Druggist, silly."

Grandma's Birthday

Q: What do you give an 80 year old grandma for her birthday? 
A: Mikey, he'll eat anything!