How Older Guys Pick Up Chicks

I'm not the best looking guy.  Some would say I'm a little frayed around the edges these days. But, I have a nice motorcycle, a little money and I spend most of my time casually riding from place to place.  
I met a nice looking girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us.  She did this cute little dance then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet.  
As we lay there making love, I thought, "Damn, these taser guns are really worth the money!"

The Height of Being Hard-Up

Q: Do you know what the height of being hard-up is?
A: Two old ladies in an asparagus patch doing knee bends!

Grandmother Too

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up. "All the ladies down on the floor," one handsome robber commanded. "My grandmother too?" the little girl asked. "Yes, your grandmother too!" "All the ladies on the floor, pull up your dresses." "My grandmother too?" "Yes, your grandmother too! All ladies will now remove their panties." "Surely you don't mean my grandmother too?" asked the little girl. Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, "YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the ladies on the floor are to spread their legs apart." When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, "YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!"