How Many Candles?

Recently seen on a card...
Outside: We don't feel sorry for you blowing out all those candles.  What about us...
Inside: ... We had to stay up all night lighting them!

Man Is Like An Automobile

Man is like an automobile. As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad. The transmission won't go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty getting out of low. The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top. The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning. It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose. The thermostat goes out, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery need constant recharging, but if the body looks good, we can keep it washed and polished, giving the impression it can compete with newer models and make one more trip down the primrose lane before the head gasket blows. Gentlemen, start your engines.

Ode To Cranky Men

I chanced to pass a window, While walking through a mall. With nothing much upon my mind, Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that window, A cranky - faced old man, And why he looked so cranky, I didn't understand. Just why he looked at ME that way, Was more than I could see. Until I came to realize, That cranky man was ME!