I Quit

Telegram received from ex-employee: "Fuck you. I quit. Strong message to follow."

You Know You're Too Stressed If...

You know you're too stressed if

• You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
• The Sun is too loud.
• Trees begin to chase you.
• You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
• You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
• You can hear mimes.
• You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
• You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
• Things become "Very Clear."
• You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
• You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
• You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.
• The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
• You and Reality file for divorce.
• You can skip without a rope. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
• You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
• You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
• You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
• You can travel without moving.
• Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
• You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
• Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.
• You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

Why Women Make Less

A job negotiator and a feminist were in a dispute. The feminist was arguing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving.
Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does?
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.
Fem: Where does it say that? I don't think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?
Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!