Free Water

Two Jews walk into a bar and ask for some water. Why? Because its free.

Couple Buying Lottery Tickets

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted. The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets. He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them. The husband looked confused again. He asked the clerk, "What the hell do I do with these damn things?" The clerk replied, "Well, you're supposed to scratch the box and see if you've won anything." The wife looked disgusted. "Oh please," she muttered. "What?" asked the clerk. "Oh nothing," she answered, "it's just that, well, he's been scratching down there for years, and he ain't won a damn thing."

Who Gets It

There are 3 people walking down the street: the perfect man, the perfect woman, and Mickey Mouse. They see a $50 bill on the street. Who picks it up? The perfect woman, because the other two are fictional characters!