Two Coins

Q: Two coins add up to 30 cents, and one is not a nickel. What are they?
A: A quarter and a nickel. The quarter isn't a nickel.

Show Me The Money!

1. A fool and his money are asked to go everywhere!
2. A fool and his money are soon elected.
3. A fool and his money are soon popular.
4. A fool and his money is my kind of customer!
5. If money's the root of all evil, why do churches want it?
6. All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
7. Come to Florida, bring money, BUT GET THE HECK OFF OUR BEACH!
8. Even the blind can see money.
9. Expert - Someone who knows less, but makes more money.
10. It's not the money I want, it's the stuff.
11. Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
12. Money burns a hole in my pocket... how about yours?
13. Money is like an arm or leg, use it or lose it.
14. Money is the root of all bills.
15. Money may buy "friendship," but it cannot buy love.
16. Money Talks - and it usually says NO!!
17. Never forget a friend, especially if he owes you money.
18. Political Motto: I had some morals; sold them for money.
19. This country has the best politicians money can buy.
20. Time and Money. Two things we don't have enough of....
21. Turbo-Tax took money out of my Quicken directory.
22. Visit your money this year - vacation in Washington D.C.
23. When money talks, it usually says "Bend over."
24. You infernal machine! Give me a soda or my money back!
25. Alimony? ... sounds kind like all your money
26. No one kills over drugs ... They kill over money.
27. Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.

IRS Dilemma

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.
"Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel.'"
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."