Material Things

A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed. A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!" The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went there in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.
I thought, "Nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $465,000 vehicle.
A Greyhound bus.

Jack and Jill Economics

Jack and Jill went up the hill, both with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two fifty. Go figure.