Wrong Bank

Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're Doing Business With The Wrong Bank
10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other.
9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast.
8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon.
7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don't speak English.
6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault.
5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin' Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil.
4. All cash deposits go directly into teller's pants.
3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos.
2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED.
1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez

You Might Be A Redneck If - 17

You might be a redneck if...

• You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.
• The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.
• Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
• You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
• You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
• When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.
• Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
• You own more than two clappers.
• You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
• You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents. 

Dumb Robber

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery. However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly, "Did I pay for the gum?" By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.