You Might Be A Redneck If - 17

You might be a redneck if...

• You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.
• The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.
• Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
• You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.
• You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.
• When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.
• Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".
• You own more than two clappers.
• You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.
• You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents. 

Dumb Robber

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery. However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly, "Did I pay for the gum?" By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.

Don't Say To Security

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain

1. "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
2. "I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
7. "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
8. "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
9. "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
10. "I'm looking for beer money"