Picking Fruit

A fruit farmer hired two new workers for his fields, but before he sent them out for the day's work, he told them he had just one rule: don't steal any fruit. The two agreed to obey the rule. After the day was over, the two workers came in to report to the farmer. He asked them if they had stolen any fruit, and immediately their conscience forced them to tell the truth. "Yes, we did. We ate some when we got hungry," they said. The farmer replied, "Ok, here is your punishment. I want each of you to go pick ten of your favorite fruit and come back to me." The men couldn't believe their ears. This seemed more like a reward than a punishment! After fifteen minutes, the first thief came back with ten cherries. The farmer promptly told him that as part of his punishment, he would have to stuff each cherry up his nose. The thief was upset about this, but he knew he had done wrong, so he slowly began to push the cherries up his nose one by one. As he was working on the third cherry, he began to laugh hysterically. The farmer asked him, "What's so funny?" The thief replied, "The other guy is out there picking watermelons!"

Baptized Wallet

After coming out of the water, a new member exclaimed, "Good grief, preacher, I forgot to remove my wallet from these trousers. It's dripping wet." "Hallelujah," exulted the preacher, "We could stand more baptized wallets."

Placing Your Order

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."