Three Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery

Q: Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
A: 3 dollars a year for a million years.

Fast Drinker

A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me five shots of your best scotch!" The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.
"Wow, that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink!" says the bartender.
"Well, you'd drink that fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The man replies, "50 cents."

Your Wife and Bonuses

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!