Sister Mary To The Priest

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, father." "How much did you win?"

Proverbs Finished by 4th Grade Class

Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class:

• It is always darkest... Just before you flunk a test.
• There is nothing new... under a rock.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet.
• A committee of three... gets things done when they are not fighting.
• If you can't stand the heat... try Antarctica.
• Better late than... absent.
• A rolling stone... may dent the floor.
• If at first you don't succeed... live with it.
• Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
• Cry... and then blow your nose.
• A bird in the hand is... better than a woodpecker on your head.
• Early to bed, early to rise... and you will get the best cereal.
• Two heads... are pretty scary.
• It is better to light a candle than... to light a bomb.
• A miss is as good as... a mister.
• A penny saved... is not a lot.
• Don't burn your bridges... or you'll fall in the lake.
• Haste makes... sweat.

Rejected Childrens Book Titles

1. Juggling Knives is Easy
2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven
3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things
4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want
5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase
6.  101 Games to Play in the Road
7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Diving board is the Flusher
8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub, a Blow-dryer  and a Fork
9.  POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games
10.  Arthur Gets Hunted
11.  Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi
12. Monsters Killed Grandpa
13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" "Mrs. Clause is your real Mom"
14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul
15. All Guns Squirt Water
16.  When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street
17.  How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite
18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain
19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish
20. 101 recipies to make with Dog
21. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree
22. The New Boy is Bad
23.  Your Nightmares are real
24.  The Time When Elmer REALLY got Bugs
25. Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis
26. The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender
27. The Little Kitten that was too Curious.....
28. The Boy who was so Stupid that his Dad put him up for Adoption
29.  Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap
30.  Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar get a Flamethrower
31. Grampa Gets A Casket
32. Dad's New Wife Robert
33. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator