Mommy Dearest!

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3 year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.  Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.  When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face.  I said, "What's wrong honey?"  Sad and broken up she looked at me and said, "Mommy, where's my booger?"

Flashlight RIP

Q: Why did the little boy bury his flashlight?
A: Because the batteries died.

Condom Company

A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."