Little Gregory Wakes Up in the Middle of the Night

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom. Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike!"

Advice From Kids

1. "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9
2. "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8
3. "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10
4. "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9
5. "Never bug a pregnant mom." - Nicholas, age 11
6. "Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10
7. "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him." - Heather, age 16
8. "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." - Michael, age 14
9. "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." - Joel, age 12
10. "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." - Alyesha, age 13
11. "Never try to baptize a cat." - Laura, age 13
12. "Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11
13. "Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10
14. "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10
15. "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12
16. "Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." - Molly, age 11
17. "Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." - Chelsey, age 7
18. "Stay away from prunes." - Randy, age 9
19. "Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." - Phillip, age 13
20. "Forget the cake, go for the icing." - Cynthia, age 8
21. "Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and Grandma's house." - Joanne, age 1
22. "When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." - Matthew, age 12

A General's Lesson

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she says quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The old man smiled serenely and said, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."