A General's Lesson

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she says quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The old man smiled serenely and said, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."

A Kid's View on Marriage

A Kid's View on Marriage
What Exactly Is Marriage?

• "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" - Eric, six years old
• "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." - Anita, nine years old

How Does a Person Decide Whom to Marry?

• "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." - Kelly, nine years old
• "My mother says to look for a man who is kind... That's what I'll do... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." - Carolyn, eight years old

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married

• "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years old

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?

• "They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, nine years old
• "My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." - Jeremy, eight years old

What Do Most People Do on a Date?

• "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." - Martin, ten years old
• "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." - Craig, nine years old

When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?

• "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." - Allan, ten years old
• "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." - Kally, nine years old

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?

• "You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" - Kirsten, ten years old
• "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" - Anita, nine years old
• "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." - Will, seven years old

Little Gregory Wakes Up in the Middle of the Night

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom. Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike!"