Soldier Coffee

A little boy who was visiting his grandmother made her some coffee. When she went to take a sip she noticed a little toy soldier at the bottom of the cup. When she asked him about it, he told her "It's like the TV commercial grandma. The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"

Watermelons

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

Learning to Cuss

Two little kids, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say ass' and I'll say hell.'" All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast. "Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios." His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?" "I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."