Handling Teens

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace.

Little Gregory Wakes Up in the Middle of the Night

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom. Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike!"

Advice From Kids

1. "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9
2. "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8
3. "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10
4. "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9
5. "Never bug a pregnant mom." - Nicholas, age 11
6. "Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10
7. "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him." - Heather, age 16
8. "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." - Michael, age 14
9. "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." - Joel, age 12
10. "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone." - Alyesha, age 13
11. "Never try to baptize a cat." - Laura, age 13
12. "Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11
13. "Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10
14. "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10
15. "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12
16. "Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand." - Molly, age 11
17. "Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." - Chelsey, age 7
18. "Stay away from prunes." - Randy, age 9
19. "Never dare your little brother to paint the family car." - Phillip, age 13
20. "Forget the cake, go for the icing." - Cynthia, age 8
21. "Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and Grandma's house." - Joanne, age 1
22. "When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." - Matthew, age 12