Everyone Is Busy

Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please?
Youngster: (whispering) No, he's busy.
Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother?
Youngster: (in a whisper) She's busy too.
Sales person: I see, how about your brother or sister?  Can I speak to him?
Youngster: (whispering) No. They're both busy too.
Sales person: (losing patience) Is there anybody else there I could talk to???
Youngster: (in a whisper) Yeah, the police are here... but they are busy too....
Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people doing that keeps them so busy?!!!
Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.

Hearing Test

A little boy is doing his homework. He says to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine.” His mother hears this and gasps, “What are you saying?” The little boy answers, “I’m doing my homework. This is how my teacher taught me to do it.” Infuriated, the mother confronts the teacher the next day. “What are you teaching my son in arithmetic? He’s been saying two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?” The teacher replies, “Oh dear. What I taught them was, two plus two ‘the sum of which’ is four!”

The Report Card

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.""