Boyfriends

Q: How are daughter's boyfriends like cockroaches?
A: They hang around the kitchen and it's hard to get rid of them!

Too Honest

Mom, how did I come to this world? "Well, your father and I planted a seed together," the mother said.
"From that seed, we grew a marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine."

Sick Uncle

My uncle complained to me that I never visited him and that the next time I saw him he would be in a coffin.
Jokes on him.
He was in an urn.