Pondering Collection

• Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword is very small and the pen is really sharp.
• If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
• Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye!
• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
• When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
• Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?
• The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.
• Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.

Old Friends

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you've been calling me fat?!?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I've also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"

Yo Mama - Driveway

Yo mama is so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.