Gift for Valentine's Day

A couple had been looking at new cars for months. He wanted a simple truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zoom through traffic and look like a princess. He would have settled for almost any old truck, but everything she wanted was way out of price range. "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 220 in 5 seconds or less. Valentine's Day is coming up and you should surprise me with something really really great this year!" Soon Valentines Day arrived and she un-wrapped her brand new bathroom scale.

Valentine Sex

As an easy way to save money, a young couple decided that every time they have sex the husband would put his pocket change into a piggy bank on the nightstand. On Valentine's night, he was unusually athletic and accidentally knocked the piggy bank off the table and it broke into pieces on the floor.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten and even twenty dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the paper money?", to his wife which replied, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."

MAFIA Valetine Card Verses

• My love for you... it came and went.
• So your feet are now in wet cement.
• I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes, Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
• Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
• I picked up this card from a slim selection, But that's all they offer here in witness protection.
• Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
• Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
• Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?
• The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look, You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!
• Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
• Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
• Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.
• When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!