Valentine's Day Gifts

A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."

Monster Valentine's Gift

Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.
Boy Monster: Is it still beating?

Leper's Valentine

Q: How can you tell if a Valentine card is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.