Special Summer Sale

A department store had to call off its special summer sale in August because of a conflict -- its Christmas sale was beginning two days later.

Holiday Cycle

Me in January: (shoving tangled lights and broken ornaments into an unlabeled box) Problem for another day!
Me in December: Son of a bitch

Oh the Internet is Slow

The Net is Slow
Oh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it's so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It doesn't show signs of stopping, All our packets, our hosts are dropping; Bandwidth is turned way down low, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. When we finally connect to a site, It's time to go back to the dorm; But if I could stay here all night, I could submit their Web form. The network is slowly dying, And, I fear, we're still denying, But as long as Sprint is the way to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.