9 Signs Santa Has Been Drinking

1. While your child is on his lap, he tells them they're not getting his Bud Light.
2. You see his sleigh pulled over and the police with a breathalyzer.
3. Those darn milk and cookies never worked but the Jack Daniels does!
4. You don't remember getting a request for venison in your stocking.
5. Betty Ford releases him on December 24th.
6. After each child, he has a Jello Shot.
7. This year the sleigh is being pulled by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull.
8. He jumps down a manhole and then gets angry when he can't find the tree.
9. Instead of going Onward, Dancer and Prancer...he just grumbles and says "Awww...just get going!"

Yo Mama - Christmas

Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.

Christmas Plot

One year, a husband gets his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. The next Christmas comes around and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband replies, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"