New Year Gym

Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was.
She replied fuck you!

So I'm pretty excited about the new year!

Sunday School Christmas Lesson

A little boy returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he could hardly wait to tell his parents. As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, "I learned all about the very first Christmas in Sunday school today! There wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on camels had to deliver all the toys! And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to find their way around!"

Siri Halloween

Apple user: Siri, what should I be for Halloween?
Siri: You should dress up as chap stick and tell people you're "the balm"