Holiday Nuts

Think I may be getting a vasectomy for Christmas. Just overheard my girlfriend tell her mom she was taking me to see the nutcracker.

Vampire Races

Q: What happened at the vampires race?
A: It finished neck and neck!

Anheuser Busch

Helga hangs the wash out to dry, then goes downtown to pick up some dry cleaning. "Gootness, iss hot," she says as the sun beats down on her. She passes by a tavern and says, "Vy nought?" So she sits at the bar. "Bartender," she says. "I vill have unt cold beer, please." The bartender asks, "Anheuser Busch?" "Vell, fine, tanks," she says, "Just ah leetle svetty."