12 Perks of Being a Female

1. We can get a day off from male bosses just by hinting at "female trouble."
2. When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We get free drinks just for showing up.
5. Condoms don't make us lose sensation.
6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
7. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
8. We can talk to men without picturing them naked.
9. Occasionally, chocolate really can solve all our problems.
10. Gay men don't make us uncomfortable, unless they're better dressed than we are.
11. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
12. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

Face to Face

Person 1: "Hey, how's your face feeling?"
Person 2: "Fine. Why?"
Person 1: "Because it's killing me!"

The King's Beautiful Queen

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived a powerful king and his beautiful queen. The queen was so gorgeous that the king's ministers were obsessed and craving to seduce her.
One day, the king got an invitation to visit the King of Ethiopia and left behind his queen and his kingdom. Before leaving, he asked his three ministers to take good care of his queen and all his affairs during his absence. All three pronounced their loyalty.
That night, when the queen was deep asleep the king placed a sharp blade inside her because he didn't trust his three ministers. The following week, the king returned and summoned his three ministers to the palace. He ordered all three to strip. To the king's surprise, two of them were penis-less and the third was fine. The two unfaithful ministers were immediately executed. The king praised the third minister for his loyalty and asked him what he wished. "Aaaah, aaaaaaaaah," he replied.