Light Bulb - Policeman

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Clever Words for Clever People

ARBITRAITOR - A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
BERNADETTE - The act of torching a mortgage.
BURGLARIZE - What a crook sees through.
AVOIDABLE - What a bullfighter tries to do.
COUNTERFEITER - Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
LEFT BANK - What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
HEROES - What a man in a boat does.
PARASITES - What you see from the Eiffel Tower.
PARADOX - Two physicians.
PHARMACIST - A helper on a farm.
RELIEF - What trees do in the spring.
RUBBERNECK - What you do to relax your wife.
SELFISH - What the owner of a seafood store does.
SUDAFED - Brought litigation against a government official.

Avoiding Embarrassment

A guy falls down in the street. To make sure he is not embarrassed in front of the neighbors, he crawled all the way home.