Teaching Moment

A man is driving his five-year-old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. “Douche bag!” the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. “Your daddy just said a bad word,” he says. “I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?” His son looks at him and says: “Too late, douche bag.”

What Would Elvis Be Doing Today?

Q: What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?
A: Scratching like hell to get out of that box.

ATM Lady

I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.