Nail File

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.

What Kind of Fish

A guy walks into a Chinese restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches, the guy asks for "a table for two". As they are waiting for a table to be prepared, his wife cant help to notice a fish tank full of beautiful tropical fish. The wife turns to her husband and demands that she wants the same fish brought for her at home. The husband agrees and asks the waiter what the fish are called. The waiter replies "sushi".

Mexican Magic

A Mexican magician performing at a Christmas party tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "Uno...Dos..." and 'poof' he was gone. He disappeared without a tres.