Deep Thoughts

• It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
• I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little bits of cheese? They probably break down into their various gases before they even hit. 
• If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your act, I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much."
• Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.
• If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
• It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
• What is it that makes a compete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know. 

A Pasta Diet?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

How Is A Bagpipe Like Throwing A Javelin

Q: How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A: You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.