Tardy Attention

A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. "And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked. "I don't know," the student said. "Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor. "That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"

Trump Tax Cut

Q: What is a 'Tax Cut' ?
A: It is money that the federal government will return to taxpayers when they file their "1040 Tax Returns".

Q: Where will the government get this money that they are going to return ?
A: From taxpayers.

Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
A: Only a smidgen of it.

Q: What is the purpose of this tax cut?
A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase an ultra-high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q: But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your "tax cut returns" wisely:

* If you spend the "tax cut returns" money at Walmart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India (software) or China (hardware).

* If you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, or Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to banking management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Buying Beer or

5) Buying Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

Call Out

I was in the supermarket earlier when I saw a kid having a tantrum, laying on the floor kicking and screaming. I asked his mother "Have you slapped him?" She looked insulted and snapped "No I haven't!" "Well why the hell not?" I asked