Job Security

A lot of people stuck their neck out to make sure my grandad kept his job as executioner during the French Revolution.

Old School Friend

I saw an old school friend today and he started bragging about his well paid job, his flashy expensive car and his enormous house. Then he took a photo out of his wallet, showed it to me and said, "That's my wife, isn't she beautiful?"
I looked it at and said, "If you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife." He said, "Why, is she a stunner?” I said, "No, she's a fucking optometrist!"

Wedding Gift

A female snake charmer was wooed by an undertaker and accepted his offer of marriage. They received many gifts at the wedding but their favorite was a set of towels embroidered with the words: "hiss and hearse"