Super Market Checkout

A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize." As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for thumbtacks. In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"

Knock Knock - Iowa

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Iowa!
Iowa who?
Iowa you a dollar!

Top Chef

An Admiral visited one of the ships under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit. He went to the Culinary Specialist to ask how this feat was done, and how to replicate it on other ships under his command. The CS replied, "I'd be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia." Horrified, the Admiral exclaims, "That's very unhygienic!"
The CS shrugged and replied, "Well, if that's the way you feel, Sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts."