Stupid Insults

• All booster, no payload.
• All crown, no filling.
• All foam, no beer.
• All hammer, no nail.
• All hat and no cattle.
• All he remembers about his middle name is the first letter.
• All his eggs in the same basket.
• All his learning curves look like Mount Everest.
• All icing, no cake.
• All lime and salt, no tequila.
• All missile, no warhead.
• All of his bytes are odd.
• All shot, no powder.
• All the lights don't shine in her marquee.
• All the personality of linoleum flooring / plasticene / putty / caulking / saran wrap / a bowl of oatmeal / a plastic spoon.
• All wax and no wick.
• Alphabetizes junk mail / T-shirts / canonical lists.
• Always in the right place, but at the wrong time.
• Always loses battles of wits because he's unarmed.
  Always needs to have jokes explained.
• Always sharpening his sleeping skills.
• An 8080 in a 68000 environment.
• An alligator.
• All mouth, no ears.
• An Apple //e on UUCP.
• An early example of the Peter Principle.
• An ego like a black hole.
• An example of how the dinosaurs survived for millions of years with walnut sized brains.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• An expert on the historical significance of cottage cheese.
• An inch short and a stroke early.

Brain Size

Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?
A:  Inflate it.

Plane's Terrorist

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why? Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!") The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place." The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all burst into laughter. "He's George W Bush!" they laughed. "He doesn't have any brains!"