Digging Vampire

Q: Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with a finger up his nose?
A: He was a ghoulsniffer!

Sex with Sister

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her while we were waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I didn't say anything and started to walk to my car. As I opened the door, my girlfriend came out from the kitchen and hugged me with tears in her eyes as she told me that it was a test of loyalty and I had passed!
Moral of the story: keep your condoms in your car.

Bumper Stickers

• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
• She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
• You have the right to remain silent.... Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
• I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
• A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.