Business One-Liners 92

• Only a bureaucracy can fight a bureaucracy.
• Only a fool can reproduce another fool's work.
• Only a mediocre person is always at their best.
• Only them as knows their own...knows.
• Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.
• One test is worth a thousand expert opinions.
• Old age is always fifteen years older than you are.
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• Never speculate on that which can be known for certain.

Feline Expectations

I was doing some research and found out that thousands of years ago cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

God's First Name

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter is standing at the gate. He says, "If you can answer these three questions I will let you in to heaven. First, how many seconds are in a year? Second, how many days of the week have a 'T' in them? Third, what is God's first name? You have until tomorrow to answer these questions."
The guy comes back the next day, St. Peter asks the first question and the guy says, "Twelve." "Twelve?" says St. Peter, "how did you get that?" The man replied, "January 2nd, February 2nd and so on." Peter thinks it over and says, "Well that is not exactly what I meant, but it's technically correct, so I will give you credit." Then St. Peter asks the second question and the guy answers, "Two." St. Peter asks how he got that answer and the man explains, "Today and Tomorrow." St. Peter again admit that wasn't what he had in mind, but he'll accept that. Peter then asked the third question; God's first name. The man says, "Howard. " St. Peter, really perplexed, inquires how the guy got that and the man says, "You know, it's in the prayer: 'Our Father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...?"