Church Bulletin

I write the church bulletin each week. Last week on complete accident instead of putting in "Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting messages" I wrote: "This week Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting massages." Another time I was suppose to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell." Needless to say my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out now in church.

Newspaper Clipping

• Washer. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed -- $100.
• Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
• Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog.
• Cows, calves never bred. Also, one gay bull for sale.
• Free puppies: part Cocker Spaniel, part sneaky neighbor's dog.
• Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.
• Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out for a while. Better be reward.
• Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once. Slightly stained.
• Free Yorkshire Terrier. Eight years old. Unpleasant little dog.
• Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour.

Penal Enlargement Announcement

I was actually thinking about getting penal enlargement surgery -- thought I'd share that with everybody. But the surgery is dangerous, and it's really expensive. But I found this great, safe alternative to penal enlargement surgery: the metric system.